Calm (Storm, Servitude)

With the final beat of my heart I put the phone down.
I know this is the last day of my life, oddly enough it feels more like a déjà vu than anything else.
My arms are tired and actually I'm finally feeling relieved. This whole time I did my best to maintain myself, to keep myself going, to motivate every cell in my body.
I knew, I knew it was over, it had been over for quite a while now. Denial. Why did I waste so much time? How could I surrender so much time to nothing? Seems so obvious now. But I thought I understood it then as well. I thought I knew. Immortality. The world was created for me. It was made for me to progress though, every object in my way was just an opportunity to show how well I have trained and how far I've pushed that invinsible line. It can't be true that in the end I'm like the rest of them. I can't understand it. My mind was so far ahead of everyone else, I was born to be a fighter and yet I die a lonely old man. Self-Centered. Where did I go wrong? How could I've taken the wrong path? Every turn I made seemed to be 100% right, I refused to look back, but I had everything I could have ever wished for.
Over this lifetime it seems I've faced everything. There's nothing that I could add to the list. You name it, I had it.

And now this.
I plead with the doctor.
"Tell me the truth Doc, lay it on me straight!"
"She'll live, don't worry about it, she just needs to take these pills, she'll be fine."
That was two days ago. Now she's gone, my beautiful daughter. I taught her everything I new, she was the one who would continue my life after my long awaited day. She was such a sweet heart. How can she be gone?! I can't imagine why. Considering there are so many people in the world much better suited for such a death. Why my sweet heart?
I wanted a Boy.
I wanted to train him, to be as fit as I, to climb as quick as I could.
I got a girl.
She was so strong, so beautiful. I taught her everything, from climbing to running. She ran like cougar after its prey. She was so smart, sometimes even I couldn’t keep up with her. I couldn't have asked for a better child. And now she’s taken from me.

I give up. I surrender. God. I don't care, I'm tired of you toying with me. All this intellect, all of these incredible abilities, and I end up a lonely old man. How dare you?! How could you?!

And now I'm crying, I haven't cried since I was ten years old. I remember the occasion. My mother in her frustration at life and poverty had swung a metal chair and cracked it on my shoulders. The chair broke, the metal feet of the chairs split in half as they made contact with my tiny body. I wasn't crying because it hurt. I was crying because I couldn't understand why it wasn't hurting. I couldn't understand how my mother, the person whom I've always admired could have taken so much anger out on me. I could feel her hatred. Pure hatred on me, and all I could give to her in return was my submission and love. I remember from then on, I had no choice but to believe in God.

It's hard to maintain. I can't help but question, and at times it just feels so distant from my everyday life. God. Such an odd little word.

How could you take her away from me? She was all I cared for, and you know it!
You gave me millions, you took it away and gave me a daughter, you had made me see. The truth, how little all of this money nonsense mattered.

I give up, I will take my life today. It will be my revenge. For all that you've done. I hope you were entertained playing around with my life, must have been fun. I'm 37 years old and I feel as if I've lived 18 lives each separate each individually rapped for your convenience.

I'm just exhausted, I have nothing more to push my body for. No motivation. No care or love to look forward to.

This is my last jump, and it will be my highest, and my greatest fall.
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Tomorrow on Dark Wing.

Read as I taken on the challenge of cooking.
How Peanuts are different from Roast nuts.
Why jumping off of a building isn't that great of an Idea.